When I think of the words that scratch the surface about what I am going through, when I had to break up with someone that I loved soo deeply, James Blunt’s song comes to mind. I always cry a river when I listen to it, because it is everything that I feel inside of me:
“Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, You have been the one, you have been the one for me. I am so hollow baby, I am so hollow”
I know the emptiness that I feel, I know the feeling of hopelessness, when you want to have another chance at it, and you realize you can’t. I know the exact moment when it was over. It is a moment that is so vivid in my mind, so real, so raw.
It is one thing when a relationship ends because one person does not love the other, or if one person was unfaithful, or if one fell out of love or if one feels that they do not want a relationship. The demise of that relationship can be explained.
What happens though, when two people love each other so much, that they could move heaven and earth for each other? When they love each other and still want to be together, or fight so hard that they cannot have a moment of peace or cry so hard that there aren’t any tears left?
Unfortunately I do not have these answers, because it is something I am going through. The pain is so fresh, and the tears have not even dried yet, and there is not a day that passes where I don’t wish things could be different.
Here are the lessons that I have learned from my broken heart and my broken relationship:
7 Lessons That I Learned From My Broken Relationship
It is not about winning – Relationships are not always smooth, there will be disagreements and there will be fights. It is in the way that you sort these out that determines how your relationship is going to be. If you are going to insist on winning over arguments, then prepare to be choosing unhappiness. Sometimes you can surrender to an argument for the sake of peace, or for the simple reason that your partner is right.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go – the devastation that comes when a relationship ends can be so intense, that you try so hard to hang on to them, in the hope of minimizing the pain that you are feeling. Hanging on however, comes with its own set of problems, because it might be necessary to have some space between the two of you. As devastating as it sounds, stepping back and letting them go is what a relationship needs. Like the old saying, if you can find your way back to each other, then you are meant to be.
Fight for a relationship as hard and as much as you can before you give up – relationships are hard work, and those who have successful relationships know the work, the sacrifice and the compromise that comes with it. I believe that when you love someone, and if they are worth your heart, you have to do whatever you can to make the relationship work. No matter the outcome, you will not have regrets and wonder if things could be different if you could have done this or that. If you love someone, give it your all.
Communicate your needs and communicate your dreams – communication is extremely important in a relationship. It is not only important to listen to what your partner says, but you also need to understand what they are saying, so that you can avoid assumptions and misunderstandings. Miscommunication can kill a relationship.
Accommodate each others needs, wants and likes – You and your partner are two different people. Even though you may be similar in a lot of ways, there will be things that you like that they do not like, and vice versa. Make sure that you recognize those differences and accommodate the things they like. They are in your life, and they just might want to share that part of them with you, and you should allow them to do that.
Forgive one another and be able to say “I’m sorry” – this is also a big one. Being able to apologise and to offer your partner forgiveness is a huge part in a relationship. No one is perfect, and you are not perfect, just like your partner is not perfect. Sometimes you can hurt the feelings of your loved one, without being aware that you are hurting them. If you are ever in a position where you realise how wrong you were, just apologise to them from your heart. if you are the one who is hurt, understand that your partner is sorry and take their apology.
Be intimate with each other – Intimacy to me does not mean making love, it also encompasses the little things. Making love is huge in a relationship, however, a simple hug or cuddling or just holding each other’s hands can go a long way in getting you to connect with your partner, and keeping you close. Make sure that you make time for each other, because things can go really wrong if your partner is feeling neglected, and you can drift apart.
Say I love you to your partner – with all the pressure of a relationship and the business of your lives, it is a great idea to tell our partner how much you love them. This could be every morning, during the day and before you go to bed. Even if you are mad, make sure you remind them how much they are loved.
These are just some of the lessons that i have learned in my relationship. A relationship takes both partners to put in the effort to make it work. Make your relationship work . . .