My b day is coming up in about a week, and I am looking back at everything that has happened this past year, and of course of all those things that did not happen, that I was hoping would happen.
In church, they always tell us to pray and to wait on God, but what happens when you are waiting for years, and there’s still no breakthrough? What happens when you have been trusting on God, and you still have nothing to show? If anything, your situation feels worse than before. Instead of your life improving, you find yourself in more debt, your relationships have deteriorated, your health has gone haywire and everything that you were hoping for never happened.
As I sit here typing this, I am actually crying, just at the realization that I am in a far worse position that I was the year before, it kills me that despite the efforts that I have put forth, despite the hours I put in to have my life be better, I am worse off than before!
Then I wonder, if there is a God, why would he not see how badly I need him? Why would he not see how badly I need his help? Why would he consistently choose not to help me at all?
Does He not care? Does He even know about me, that I am crying out to Him? Does He even listen to anything that I am saying?
It’s enough to make me want to run in a corner and just stop breathing. It’s enough to make me want to stop trying altogether, and it’s enough for me to want to give up on tomorrow.
And I sit still, thinking of all the reasons why God could continue to ignore my pleas, why He would continue to not bother with me, why my problems and my pain do not seem to make Him want to help me . . . then I remember!
- I remember that someone out there has not eaten
- Someone out there is sleeping under a bridge
- Someone out there is bedridden, and in pain
- Someone out there has completely lost everything
- Someone out there is blind or completely disabled
- Someone out there has lost all the people that love him and that he loves
- Someone out there is in a worse position than me
I remember that God has made sure that I have food to eat, that I am warm with clothes on my back, that I have a roof over my head.
He made sure that even though I don’t have medical aid or medical insurance, He has made sure that I am healthy enough to not need it.
Though I complain about my job all day long, He gave it to me so it could help me do the things that I need to.
He gave me a loving family.
God has provided for me already, and He continues to do so, even when I am ungrateful at times.
I remember that God has not left me, that He is with me through everything I go through!
I remember that He has promised me to do what He said He will do, and He has promised to bring my dreams to pass.
I remember that He is my God, and even though I may not understand certain things, I know that He loves me!
I remember that I am breathing today because I am yet to fulfill my destiny! I remember that He has the last say and He is still on the throne!
And right now, I choose to hang onto that!